


If I Was Brave

by DefaltManifesto



Series: Becoming a Pack [30]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bad Parenting, Gen, Past Child Abuse, Rafael is a huge scumbag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-11
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-03-07 04:40:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3161552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefaltManifesto/pseuds/DefaltManifesto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Stilinski has learned a lot in the past few months. But learning how to be a good parent and Sheriff in a town bent on destroying everyone in it is far from easy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Was Brave

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers in the endnotes so really, save them for the end. I know this series has gotten a bit bogged down with plot things/character development but I have a fun fic planned next? Hopefully. I might get distracted by one more plot-oriented fic but I promise there's a few fun/smutty oneshots coming that are light on the angst.
> 
> Title taken from A Walk Through Hell by Say Anything.

[The Tumblr](http://schizzar.tumblr.com)

 

John Stilinski was good at his job. While the stack of unresolved cases was significantly larger than the stack of solved ones, it was still smaller than the number of unsolved cases of the Sheriffs that came before him. That didn't make Agent McCall's smug grin sting any less when he came in to retrieve the files for the first round of meetings that would determine John's future.

"So what's the endgame here? Get me fired and then...what? What have you gained?" John asked, watching as Rafael began to pack the files into a bin.

"Hopefully a competent Sheriff," Rafael said. "Perhaps even one that stops ignoring the dots he's connected."

"I don't know what you're talking about," John said.

"No?" Rafael slammed the bin shut and then reached behind him to flick the lock closed on John's office door. "Then explain to me why Derek Hale has not been called in for questioning? Or my son, or your son, for that matter?"

"I had no reason to," John said, straightening and folding his arms across his chest.

Even before he knew all the pieces, John hadn't even thought to call in Scott or his own son for any legitimate questioning. It didn't make sense to. They had no motive to be the killers and while John had never quite believed that Stiles and Scott knew nothing about the crime scenes, if they said they had no information and John had no proof claiming otherwise, there was no point to pulling them in.

"Maybe that's true for Scott and Stiles, but as far as I'm concerned, there are a lot of people in this town with secrets that you should be investigating," Rafael said.

"People have the right to their secrets," John said. "As long as they aren't hurting anyone."

"Just this fall, you had a slew of violent deaths and disappearances. I'm sure if we dug up that woods, we'd find quite a few unmarked graves. I _deal_ in secrets, Sheriff Stilinski. With the blood soaking this town, I think it's safe to say those secrets are hurting quite a few people, including my son," Rafael said, jabbing his finger down on the desk.

"Oh, so _now_ you're worried about your son," John said, unable to help a sarcastic laugh.

"You really want to have that conversation, _John_?" Rafael asked. "Because Stiles has been looking _very_ rough around the edges."

"That is true," John said, the little amusement he had felt leaving him all at once. "My son is having some trouble. He's a teenager. But I _never_ raised my hand against my son or anyone in my family, so I don't want to hear your lecture on morality and parenting tactics. You don't like me? Fine. You come after me and you keep my son out of it, clear?"

Rafael was silent and he shifted from foot to foot before placing his hands on his waist and shaking his head. "Well, I have to say, you've come a long way. Time was, you were just a scared deputy trying to do what was right, but now? You're protecting something, and it's not just your son."

"You're right. It's this god damned town," John said.

"No, it's more than that." Rafael reached back and unlocked the door. "I'm going to find out what it is. I've got a lot of dots to connect."

He opened the door and left. The door clicked shut behind him and John let out a rough sigh before leaning forward on his desk.

"Pretentious dick," John muttered.

           

-.-

 

John knew that from the outside, it would look like he'd lost control of his life; barely any cases were solved, his son seemed to be drifting through life without any real motivation, and if anyone looked in his kitchen cabinets, they would find liquor bottles taking up residence once more. In a way, despite all that, things were still better than before. He knew the truth of what was going on his house, and slowly, he was learning how to protect himself and his town. That didn't mean he was suddenly the world's greatest dad.

He knew Stiles left often in the middle of the night. He also knew Stiles thought he didn't know and he wanted to keep up that facade, even if it meant his son was out in the city in the dead of the night. Perhaps it was because he knew he couldn't fix his son. He was lost, and he entrusted Stiles' mental health to the pack because really, there was nothing he could do. Nothing he knew _how_ to do. He did wonder if it made him a bad father, but there was nothing he could do until Stiles came to him. He was paralyzed.

John rubbed at his eyes as he looked over the transcript of the latest meeting Rafael had with the board that was examining his past cases that hadn't been resolved.

"Hey, Dad?"

John looked up, surprised to see Stiles hanging in the archway of the kitchen. "Hey. Thought you went to bed."

"I just..." Stiles didn't look up at him, hands twisting together as he stared at the ground. "I need to talk to you."

"What's up?" John asked.

Stiles took a deep breath and then took a seat at the table across from him. "I haven't been honest with you."

"I know. I was just waiting for you to come to me," John said. "I didn't want to push you."

Stiles hunched forward in his chair. "I figured you must have known. It's just...I've been out fighting with Erica and I finally stopped. We were sort of...punishing each other by hurting each other but I realized it really wasn't helping me at all and I just...I need some control back in my life and that wasn't the way to do it."

John struggled to process what Stiles was saying, tried to read between the lines of his words. "Okay. So..."

Stiles' shoulders shook and a choked sob escaped him. "I need you to be my dad, okay? I need someone to control me when I can't do it myself. If you knew that I was sneaking out, why the hell did you just let me do it?"

The words were like a punch to the gut and John leaned back in his chair. "I didn't know what else to do, Stiles. I'm sorry. I just...didn't know."

"So figure it out!" Stiles looked up at him, swiping at his eyes when some of his tears spilled over.

"I will...I will, I'm so sorry Stiles," John said, trying and failing to keep the emotion out of his voice. "No more sneaking out, alright? If you have a problem, you come to me and you talk to me about it. I don't know when to help you if you don't ask."'

Stiles looked away again, but not before John saw something like shame in his eyes.

"Do you...want to try therapy, Stiles?" John asked. "I'm sure if we ask Deaton, he can point us in the right direction."

"No, I don't want that yet. Maybe ever. Just. Be my dad, okay?"

John kept his expression as neutral as he dared. "Alright, son."

 

-.-

 

Three days later found John at the grocery store debating the pros and cons of store brand cereal. Or at least that's what he appeared to be doing. In reality he was thinking about how much Stiles had changed. Stiles had always been fairly self-sufficient. He knew what he needed from people and had never been afraid to ask and yet he'd spent weeks suffering, hoping that for once his father would take the first step and John had let him down. John was used to being out of his element with his work, but his family? He-

"Oh my God, I am _so_ sorry!"

John turned, registering all at once that a young woman had pushed her cart into him on accident. In her hurry to back up, she'd knocked over a display of cereal. He set his own cereal in his cart and quickly moved to help her clean up.

"It's perfectly fine, I wasn't paying attention either," he said.

The woman pushed her brown curls out of her face as she turned to smile at him. "Still, I'm sorry. I just moved here and all I seem to be able to do is make a mess of things."

John stacked some of the cereal boxes onto the display shelf. "It's alright. We all have our off days."

"Yeah? You seem pretty put togeth-" The woman sighed as she fumbled with the boxes and nearly dropped them again.

"Well, I try. What'd you move here for?" John asked, grabbing what she'd dropped.

"Oh, the uh, counselor position at the high school opened up while Miss Morrell is on vacation," she said, getting to her feet as John grabbed the last few boxes. "It's a temp job, only a month or so, but I needed a new start anyways so when I got it, I thought why not?" She flashed a nervous smile.

"My son goes there, actually," John said.

The woman smiled. "I hope I meet him. Well, not _hope_ , because that would mean he needs help and I didn't mean to imply you seem like the type of person who would have a kid that _needs_ help, I just-"

"No, it's fine. He does. He's a teenager, of course he does," John said, offering a smile he hoped would clam her.

"I completely forgot to introduce myself. I'm Jennifer Blake," she said, holding out her hand.

"John Stilinski." He shook her hand, surprised by the firmness of her grip given how skittish she seemed.

"Well John Stilinski. I will do my best to help your son if he happens to need it," she said. "I think parents would often give up anything to help their child with their problems, no matter how small they seem. It's admirable really."

"Oh, thanks." John shifted from foot to foot. "I would. He's a smart young man but I'd really...give anything to help him like he deserves."

"I'll do my best to help, if you'd like my help," Jennifer said.

"I think...yes, I would like your help, actually," John said, a bit surprised by the words. "I just have to convince him of that."

Jennifer smiled. "I'm sure we'll be in touch then."

"Yeah, sure. Have a good rest of your day," John said as she started to walk away.

Frowning, he turned back to his own cart and tried to shake off the weird feeling he had.

 

-.-

 

A few days later, there was a knock on his office door, a quick, rapid fire beat.

"Come in," John said without looking up from his paperwork.

Someone stepped in and shut the door behind them, but didn't say a word, confirming that it was indeed Rafael because everyone else John worked with had the decency to say hello first.

"We've finished your hearings," Rafael said after another awkward moment of silence.

"So am I fired?" John asked. He shut the folder of the file he'd just finished and placed it on the growing stack of completed paperwork before opening the next one. He didn't dignify Rafael with a look.

"No, contrary to my evaluation of you, the board seems to think you're doing a better job than anyone before you. You have a good reputation. I will be staying on to assist you with whatever cases your department takes on for the next few months. Consider it probation," Rafael said. "I'm just here to make sure you really are doing everything you can to complete these cases and aren't trying to cover anything up."

"Just as long as you don't get in my way, I don't see why that would be a problem."

"Have you talked to your son?"

"About what?" John paused and finally looked up, setting his pen aside.

"About his night activities," Rafael said. "I assume you knew about them."

"Well, what is it that you know? And why are you watching my family?" John asked. Given that at least for now his job was in the clear, it seemed that letting Rafael's words roll right off his back was a lot easier.

"I was watching you. I just happened to notice your son sneaking out quite often. He's stopped the last few days. I assume you spoke with him," Rafael said.

"You never followed him?" John asked.

"I had no reason to. I'm watching you, not your kid," Rafael said. "Did you talk to him?"

"Yes," John said. "You should try it with your own kid sometime."

"I've tried. He's not interested," Rafael said.

"Then maybe it's about time you let them go," John said. "Your son doesn't owe you anything. You screwed that up a long time ago."

"Maybe you're right," Rafael said, all animosity from earlier gone from his voice. "I'll see you on Monday. Have a good weekend."

John returned to his paperwork.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay! For those of you who recognized Jennifer Blake: She is not at all like Jennifer Blake from the actual series. I was mostly too lazy to recreate a character I need for the sake of plot and since she was so wasted in the actual series I decided to use her instead. She is significant to the plot though, so keep an eye on her appearance throughout the series :D


End file.
